How To Be A Ruthless (But Not Evil) Employee

If you’re hell-bent on winning at all costs, at least leave the innocent intact.

How To Be A Ruthless (But Not Evil) Employee


Ruthless people litter pop culture. Can hardly stream a channel or mime a meme without cruel themes.

And those infernal reality shows? Competition-crushing opponents pitilessly – is the constant goal. Except at work brutal treachery can backfire. Violates a code of conduct or two. Paints perps as bright red targets.

One alternative is non-evil duplicity. If winning at any cost means everything, try some sketchy tactics that don’t leave a blood trail.

Learn The Meaning of “Obsequious”
Fawning shamelessly over the manager is the traditional way to earn brownie points. Protecting their reputation like a eunuch guarding the harem. Nodding in frantic agreement at every uttered idiocy. 

Prepare to feel demeaned and dirty. Store your ego in overhead compartments during flight. Peers might puke at your obvious toadying. End of the day simply shower it off and rejoice in being the teacher’s pet.

Whisper Sweet Nothings  
Ever had to beg for funding or project approval? Learn the art of blowing smoke into eager ears. 
Persuasion’s the name of this game. Getting to yes via gentle manipulation. 

Start with oodles of WIIFT (What’s In It For Them). Use strategic storytelling to sell your proposal: Speak their language and mirror their words. True connivers con leaders into letting down the drawbridge and welcoming Trojan Horses. 

Smite Workplace Rivals
How to handle a sabotaging coworker? Simple as popping a pimple. Bury your rage and fight back with logic. Anticipate their next steps. Spot their vulnerabilities. Then coldly plot discreet revenge that makes you look like the victim. 

Shut the gates to past adversaries too. Soon as you learn a former foe’s applied for a job where you work, sound the alarm! Tell the hiring manager what they’re up against. No blatant lies allowed. You really want scorching blowback against you and the company?

Gossip Good, And Make Friends Strategically
Just try looking like you’re all that without allies. Even star performers have to make it past choke points. Helps to befriend folks in sly places.

Let the gal in shipping think you’re besties. Bring donuts to the guy in accounting who OK’s your expenses. (For the clueless: Don’t charge those baked goods to the company!)

Gossiping can help nurture those faux-friendships. Information’s currency. Be in the know. Share tidbits and Timbits. Spreading rancid rumours is offside. Warning others of a person’s proven shortcomings – to prevent work screw-ups – isn’t. 

Everything But Evil
So many ways to deceive for self-advancement. Seem wrong to trick people into doing your bidding? Hardly the way to win BFFs for life. 

Sure does move the dial at performance review time. Long as you’re not tearing down innocents, fracturing the company’s rep, or clobbering your values, door’s wide open.