Are You In Love With Your Old Job, Still?

By: Karin Eldor

Monster Contributing Writer

Ahhh... How you long for the good old days. You were perfect together. You always knew what to expect. You were comfortable and always happy.

Your job was your soul mate. Wait a minute, hold up! Your job? Okay, it's time for a reality check. Many people get emotionally attached and addicted to their work – and if there’s an important takeaway here, it's that you should never be in love with a job (or real estate for that matter, but that's another story…).

Whatever the reason you're no longer working at the company “of your dreams,” getting stuck in this rut can hinder you from moving on and forging ahead in your career.

Here are some signs that you're still in love with an old flame (err... job) and some tips on how you can move onward and upward.

Breaking up is hard to do

1) You're constantly comparing your old job to a new / current / potential job.

Whether it's your former colleagues and/or manager, the corporate culture, projects, benefits and salary, or even simply the ambiance, you're always saying things like "Oh at my other job, we did it this way..." or “I loved my team at my previous job, we were extremely close…”

Suffice it to say, your current colleagues will get annoyed with you faster than you can say "pink slip." The other issue? Making constant comparisons is futile and a waste of energy. The truth is, whether you have regrets for leaving or anger / sadness for being fired or laid off , you are likely romanticizing your former gig. Of course it could be that this previous job was fulfilling and met all your expectations, but maybe you are only remembering – or rather choosing to remember -- the good times. Hey, it’s human nature.

This might also become an obstacle in your job search, because no career opportunity can measure up to the ideal workplace you were used to. And if this “comparison shopping” is stopping you from applying for new jobs, or your disdain and regrets are being displayed in your job interviews , you need to make peace with your past and focus on your present and future.

How to move on: Talk to a family member or friend and ask them to remind you of any times when you weren’t so happy on the job. There were definitely moments that frustrated you: were you stressed beyond belief, on the verge of burnout? Or maybe your boss never praised you? Did a super long commute plague you? There are certainly some negative points to recall to help you snap back to reality and forget that the “grass is greener.”

2) You have no interest in your current coworkers.

You only speak when spoken to and stick to yourself. Basically, you’re perceived as a snob.

How to move on: Make yourself a promise to enjoy lunch or even a quick coffee break with at least one coworker at least twice per month. Even if it means a 15-minute break to chat and talk shop, it could be good for your morale and help you foster some friendships at work. As well, becoming more social with your current coworkers – even just a bit -- can give you renewed energy and a sense of camaraderie in the workplace.

3) You show no / very little interest in your projects or the company as a whole.

Your manager doesn’t even have to point this one out to you – you are clearly not passionate about your work and it shows. This is no way to grow and develop in your career!

How to move on: Look into workshops or seminars developed by the Human Resources team, such as leadership training or even wellness seminars. Take advantage of all the benefits offered by your current workplace, such as the gym or computer workshops, and take some time to “get to know each other better.” You might just become enamored with your current job too.

4) You're constantly reading your former employer's social media pages & corporate website.

This can become a detrimental addiction. With one foot always stuck in the past, moving forward in your career will only prove to be more difficult. Not to mention that the time and energy spent following the tracks of your former job is a waste of time and literally like running on a treadmill – you’re moving but going nowhere.

How to move on: If you’re currently job searching , try to refocus your energy on that. As for your obsession, go cold turkey and stop cyber stalking your former company on social media – you’re better off taking on a new hobby, reading business books to better yourself during your job hunt, or even signing up for some workshops to develop any skills you feel can use sharpening. Want to brush up on your Spanish? Here’s your chance. Want to write a blog? Do it! Your job search getting you down? Go for a run or hit up a yoga class. Do anything other than look up your former employer.

5) You're still close to your former coworkers and grill them on company news, updates & gossip.

See above.

How to move on: It’s actually a good idea to maintain contact with former coworkers, as they serve as your network and as potential people to call on whenever you need a positive referral. But like a former flame, you need to judge whether speaking with them can do more harm than good. That said, proceed with caution and perhaps limit the frequency in which you speak and get together, at least until you’re well settled into your new job.

Look inward: why did you leave in the first place?

If you decided to leave the job you loved for another opportunity, ask yourself: why did you leave? If you chose to make the move, then there was obviously a part of you that wasn't satisfied with an element of the job (salary, projects, long commute, etc.…) Something prompted you to leave -- so remind yourself what that was.

If it wasn’t your choice to leave: As hard as it can be, try to look at this as a learning experience to grow from. It can be tough to hear and sometimes difficult to see in the moment, but perhaps you were too comfortable in the job and no longer growing – and as a result not fulfilling your true potential. And once that new amazing job comes around, you’ll be able to see this more clearly.

This too shall pass!

As with any breakup, time will heal. Once you become immersed in your new job and more time passes, so too will the longing for your former job. In the meantime, try to focus on the things in life you can control, such as your present and future job(s), and remember that the best is yet to come.