When Someone Close Starts Working For A Direct Competitor

By Mark Swartz

Someone close to you has a big announcement: they’ve just landed their dream job. The catch? They’ll be working for your direct competitor!

Whether it’s a spouse, friend, roommate or family member, there are bound to be tensions. One innocent slip and you might disclose a confidential detail. An alternative - not talking about work at all – can strain the relationship badly.

Want to reduce the conflict while preserving necessary secrets? Read on.

The Confidentiality Credo

When you started your current job, its employment contract almost certainly had a confidentiality clause. That commits you to keeping the employer’s proprietary information private.

Penalties for breaching this promise could be severe. At a minimum the employer will reprimand you. A major slip could get you fired for cause, and even taken to court for damages.

Consequences extend beyond the impact on your job. Say you blurt out details the other person could use to get an edge. The temptation for them to use that info puts a burden on both parties. Imagine then if the recipient gives in to their darker side and uses the leak for self-gain.

A Basic Option For Managing The Dynamics

Confidentiality catastrophes put your employment at risk. At the same time, sustaining the close relationship is a priority for you.

There’s a relatively simple way to deal with competitive conflicts of interest. It’s a lot like staying in contact with a downsized co-worker. The two of you can agree to avoid discussions that might reveal workplace specifics. Generalities about industry trends and developments in your occupations are fine. Revealing that your boss was fired because a product launch failed is off limits.

Three Drastic Coping Methods

As the potential for conflict of interest grows, so does the urgency for privacy. That can lead to some awkward arrangement for one (or both) of the parties.

First among these is agreeing to never discuss work again with the other person. That would guarantee discretion. Except you’d lose a valuable sounding board. And reality dictates that one of you is bound to slip-up eventually.

Putting the relationship on hold is another option. However how could this be applied if it’s your best friend who works for a competitor? What about your sibling, or live-in significant other?

A different, albeit extreme measure is for one person to leave their job and find one with a non-competitor. This is doable for lower level employees or those who are flexible. The hassle, though, might unfixably dent the relationship.

Tips For People Who Live Together

Roommates, spouses and other cohabitants…if your work presents conflicts of interest with each other, there are special dangers lurking in your shared home. Assuming that the better angels of our nature will always prevail is a mistake. There are dozens of ways data can be unknowingly disclosed.

So protect your electronics with hard-to-crack passwords. Set the screen such that it logs out after five minutes of idle time. Cover what you’re working on when the other person enters the room.

Do you both have offices in your home (or share one)? Rules of who can use what without supervision may be necessary. Work-related conversations within earshot of the other are a no-no.

Prioritize Your Relationships

When it’s someone very close to you whose job conflicts with yours, watch for the impact. Keeping work details private alters how you communicate. Keep it up too long and the stress could be ruinous. What would you think, for instance, if your competing spouse is working late for long periods but insists they can’t tell you why?

Be it with kin or cohabitant, rival employment is challenging. Agreeing on clear boundaries won’t prevent all slips. It helps to consent in advance never to use indiscretions for personal gain. Trust is the foundation of intimacy, after all.